How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and LeadBook - 2012
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If I had to choose the form of betrayal that emerged most frequently from my research and that was the most dangerous in terms of corroding the trust connection, I would say disengagement.
When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing, and stop fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears -- the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can't point to the source of our pain -- there's no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness. It can feel crazy-making. (p52)
And often the result of daring greatly isn't a victory march as much as it is a quiet sense of freedom mixed with a little battle fatigue (p43).
We're hard-wired for connection -- it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The absence of love, belonging and connection always leads to suffering. [...] Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. They don't have better or easier lives, they don't have fewer struggles with addiction or depression, and they haven't survived fewer traumas or bankruptcies or divorces, but in the midst of all these struggles, they have developed practices that enable them to hold on to the belief that they are worthy of love, belonging, and even joy.
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